After a year in Sarawak

Assalamualaikum and hi peeps!

It has been one year that I've been serving in Sarawak. I officially reported duty to JKN Sarawak on October 31st and formally started working in Sarawak Heart Centre (SHC) on November 7th (that time in cardiology department). The HOD of cardiology department, Dr O, is really kind and understanding hence he gave me a week unrecorded leave to settle down here.

I was really rebellious that I get transferred to Sarawak therefore I reluctant to go elsewhere and just wanted to stay in Kuching area which left me no other choice but to be in cardiology department, SHC. I did asked for placement in anaesthesia department during my report duty at JKN Sarawak however there was no vacancy in Kuching area. Nevertheless, I had a nice experience during my stay in cardiology department as all my colleagues are nice and helpful and the hospital is more or less like Hospital Sungai Buloh. (P/s: HSgB is better as it has e-HIS system) (^.-)

Although I can tolerate being in cardiology department, I kept missing to be in anaesthesia again and  I felt that I need to do what I like, I need to have passion on what I am doing to work efficiently. Therefore, after one month in cardiology department, I secretly went to meet HOD of anaesthesia department in SGH and asked for placement there. It wasn't easy to get into anaesthesia department again and I almost gave up until the day I received a text message from her to contact HOD of anaesthesia department in SHC, Dr H. Joining anaesthesia department again on January 1st was the best thing ever happened to me in Sarawak! I never regret this decision and I am forever thankful to Dr O for letting me go after been only almost 2 months in his department and also to Dr H for accepting me to his department.

My good bye message to everyone in cardiology department. =B

And now, I am thinking about transfering again..... still to anaesthesia department but to another hospital which I can gain more knowledge and experience. This time, unlike a year ago, I am feeling sad to leave my current department hence I am convincing myself everyday to proceed with this decision..

Pray for me k and thank you for reading!

Why I did not quit

Assalamualaikum and hello there!

I just realised that today is doctors' day so happy doctors' day to all doctors out there!!!

Reminiscing my life as a house officer, frankly I said it was not an easy life. I was dreaded to quit like every single days initially (except when I was in my last posting). My first rotation was in the most strict department in the hospital and I cried A LOT during my first posting. I felt so scared to go to work and always nauseated every morning. Few days after I started working, I met one of my senior, Dr Lutfi (he is now my best friend's husband), asking for tips to survive my current rotation. He gave a lot of helpful advices and one of those still fresh in my mind until now which is "do not give up". Whenever I felt like giving up, I thought of that significant advice from him. Apart from that, I was blessed with a good family support, helpful colleagues and kind nurses too and up till now, I am very much thankful to my senior Dr Aida and all nurses in ortho ward 5A. I will never forget their kindness. They are one of the reasons I did not quit.

There were so many people I know eventually quit their housemanship and one of them is my best friend who quit during her second posting. She is one of the best student in my uni and helped me so much during our medical studies. We used to hang out together during our first posting and always told each other about quitting housemanship. Neither did I know that she will really quit housemanship and I was kinda disappointed by the fact that I only knew she quit 3 months later. On my second thought, it is a good thing that she quit earlier as being a doctor is never her dream but her parents'. Meanwhile for myself, it is me who chose this path and I was the one who really wanted to be a doctor since I was 9 years old for whatever reason. Being as rational as I always be, I cannot think of what else I can do other than to serve as a doctor. Therefore, I did not quit.

House officer is only given one day off per week and the other 6 days are working days which were most of the time busy and overwhelming. My multitasking skills grew each days as I was becoming senior whereby I can refer case through phone while typing morning review in the system and tracing blood investigations from the system at the same time. However competent I became as a senior house officer, many times I felt so down and worn out after working before sunrise, went back after sunset and only had my proper meal of the day after I went home. I wanted to quit so badly because I was so exhausted hence I consoled myself by telling that I will quit later but that later never happened as I kept postponing it. This means that, we can use our procrastination charm on quitting issue like this as it works well on me. See, I did not quit!

I am grateful that luck is always on my side and I rarely got scolded by MOs or specialists. However, I received two terrible scoldings when I was in my first and fifth postings. Of course I felt so down for both scoldings but being scolded as fifth poster was something really discouraged me. My feet felt so heavy to go to work on the subsequent days until the day a caretaker of my patient approached me. She thanked me for taking care of her sick husband and told me that I am a good doctor and should continue to be a specialist later. I was taken aback by her comforting words and I realised that I must keep going on to save many more patients in the future and shall not quit.

And now, I am already a medical officer, already 3 years in service. There are so many things I learned and yet so many things more to learn. Although I am a medical officer now, there are still times when I wanted to quit, especially when I could not save my patient. I even wanted to suicide as I felt at my worst - useless and helpless - that I could not resuscitated my patient and bring him back to life. I collected my strengths from Allah and reflected on everything that happened until I am okay again. Someone told me that we are just human beings, life and death is not something we could decide and yeah it is something that I could not disagree. After all the efforts from healthcare providers, it always eventually leads to Hippocrates quote: to cure sometimes, to treat often and to comfort always.

Again, happy doctors day to all doctors out there! Let's keep holding on, be sincere to help our patients lillahi ta'ala and continue to be a better doctor each day in shaa Allah.

That's all for now. Thank you for reading!

Oncall in Sarawak

Assalamualaikum peeps!!

Today I just wanna share about my oncall routine. Since here is heart centre and district hospital, so the oncall is usually not so busy therefore only one anaesthesiology medical officer oncall in a day. Pretty scared in the beginning because everything I have to attend and handle alone but here is really not busy. Plus point is, since  I was a cardiology MO before, I know the cardiology team quite well so we are able to work with each other comfortably while handling crisis. There were times my cardiology friend, Naemah, slept together with me here. Niceeee XD

After passover with my postcall colleague and oncall specialist, I will set up my oncall room to make sure that I am comfortable until the next morning. Being comfortable is very important especially if I am oncall for two consecutive days - Saturday and Sunday - so that I can last for about 50hours in the hospital. Remember, surrounding is vital to set up the oncall mood although during daylight I will be outside the room reviewing patients or attending new referral or at the library or the cafe. Haha..

First, I make sure blanket is nicely fold with warmer ready as our hospital is fully air-conditioned and it is very very cold here. Also, I will ensure the hospital phone is working and easily reachable.

Then these pinky, I put them like a carpet so that it's easy to perform my prayer and of course easy to move around. (We call this linen pinky because the colour is pink on the opposite side)

And lastly the table must have these - plain water, room key, my access card, emergency drugs (in case I got referral for emergency case), stethoscope, APS and referral forms.

FOOD is important and this is to show off some of my oncall foods yesterday. Potato salad from my lovely colleague, cucur from my housemate who she is an emergency department MO here and that kuih from my patient in the ward. Thank you everyone!!! May Allah bless <3

All in all, the top priority of preparing for oncall is to bring the heart and brain with you. LOL. And also don't forget to bring your toiletries ya!

That's all for now. Have a great day people...

Thank you for reading!

Quick life update

Assalamualaikum and happy holidays guys!!

Today is awal muharam so it's a public holiday and tomorrow is Saturday. Therefore, this weekend is really suit for weekend getaway as it is a long weekend and you don't need to apply for annual leave! Exception for me because I oncall yesterday, postcall today and going to oncall again tomorrow and Sunday. Sad isn't it? Yes it is but I did this to help a friend of mine. Actually in our oncall roster, my friend is suppose to oncall this weekend but since she has something important to attend at home hence we swapped our weekend oncall. When someone in my family is sick, I too will feel down and will have the urge to go home as soon as possible.  I hope she's doing fine with her mom in Penang now. Remember, you are as strong as your next move :)

Anyway, nothing much is happening in my life nowadays. No more jonah, no more drama, no more confusion, no more money scam and did not progress much here... I like it this way (except the part that I did not progress much) as I cry less but at the same time I laugh less too. Being someone optimistic and rational, I always reminded myself that things happened for a reason and we should not settle for less. Definitely I'm going to embrace everything that happened in my life - my decision to change department after 1month plus in cardio dept, how I felt so forlorn after unable to save patients, how something trivial can lead to road accident, how people change so drastically and how I become not jonah drastically too hahahaha! All in all, what I remember the most is my happiest feelings in life when I was a HO in anaesth Sg Buloh working second month in the department. I will never ever forget that blessed and blissful feelings.

At the moment, I cannot wait to leave Sarawak and work somewhere near my hometown so that I can stay with my family, meet new people and create some drama at home too lol. #countingdays

Yours truly,
The playful girl

Thank you for reading!

Me and anaesthesia department

Assalamualaikum guyss,,,

How are you doing? As usual, I will only update my blog once in a blue moon hihi. So this gonna be a looonggg post.......

Macam mimpi je sekarang aku MO kat anaesthesia department. Bila ingat balik, my very first intubation actually when I was a medical student in anaesthesia posting at Hospital Taiping. I forgot already what operation was it but I persuaded the anaesthetist to let me intubate and I succeeded with one attempt! Nevertheless, never in my mind that I wanted to pursue in anaesthesia. In fact, I really like medical department when I was a medical student.

During my early housemanship period at Sg Buloh, to be frank, I hated anaesth MOs especially when I was in my first posting but towards my subsequent postings I was pretty excited to see them or refer cases to them as they look so cool handling very sick patients. Apart from that, I was always envious to the anaesth team when I had to assist surgeries in OT during my surgical, O&G and ortho postings. (p/s: anaesth team doesn't have to assist surgery and I don't like to assist surgery too). Before I finish my fifth posting, my best friend Kama suggested that we choose anaesthesia as our final posting. We even wrote letter to hospital director so that he places us in anaesthesia department. However, Kama changed her mind in the very last minute as she chose to be in emergency department thereafter. Whereas, me and my unnie Fiffy reported duty at anaesth department together and we worked together in the department, many times so happily haha~~

Anaesthesia Sg Buloh provides a really good training (if you are diligent and want to learn) and HOs is trained with oncall system, not shift. We have superb intensivists and they are one of the reasons why I like to be in anaesth (they are tooooooo ADORABLE!!!) Sebenarnya aku takut nak join anaesth dept ni memula sebab MOs ramai macam garang and tak friendly. Jangkaan meleset, rupanya diorang ni macam angel je dengan anaesth HO, dengan department lain memang tegas and garang sikit hahah. They are really sweet and kind. I still remember Dr R let me intubate a patient in OT two attempts (usually other MO will give only one chance to HO); Dr A let me intubate patient in ICU (my first intubation as anaesth HO and it was successful); Dr T always be my alibi and taught me to insert IJV central venous catheter (CVL); Dr C always let me do procedures, taught me to do subclavian CVL and ECHO; Dr W always let me give spinal block even for emergency obstetric case (not fetal bradycardia); Dr F let me do all 7 CVLs without supervision as it was really jonah oncall day; Dr SG likes to crack jokes and very supportive; Dr S still really nice like when I first encounter him in surgical dept and etc. All in all, these lovely experiences have caused me to be so interested in anaesth. There was one incident on Aug 15th (I was about to finish the posting early September) where I was accused of MIA by this one obnoxious MO as I wasn't in his OT but with my specialist. Because I was so devastated, I applied to not be a floating MO in anaesth. But my application was rejected and my specialists who knows me so well, being so nice to me as she didn't put me to work with the obnoxious MO throughout my floating time. Hahaha, that's the bittersweet experience in anaesth HSgB. Until now, I still miss the anaesth team, the sisters, nurses, MOs and ofcourse the specialists.

Thank you everyone for the best experience throughout my housemanship <3

When I get posted to Sarawak, I asked for anaesthesia department however the post was full in Kuching. As I want to work only in Kuching area, I chose cardiology department in Sarawak Heart Center which is still near Kuching area. Everyday when I came to work at CCU, I will look at the anaesth oncall room's door while feeling really wants to be back in anaesth. It was not easy for me to go back to anaesth department. I approached anaesth HOD in Sarawak General Hospital (SGH) somewhere early December and gave her recommendation letter from my anaesth HOD in HSgB. I was jubilant when she said she'll help to arrange my placement but on Dec 13th she told me that MO anaesth placement in SGH is full. Being optimistic, I was just keep praying although I was upset by that news. On the very next day,  I received text from her to contact anaesth HOD in PJS. To my surprise, the HOD said he is gonna recruit me as anaesth MO in PJS. (P/s: they don't have their own anaesth MO in PJS so I became pioneer againnnnn hehe).

Alhamdulillah, I started working in anaesth dept since January where I did my tag call for one month in SGH. Alhamdulillah, I am very grateful that I opted to do what I like rather than staying in my previous department. Actually I am more grateful that I got to work as cardio MO for almost 2 months before I'm back to anaesthesia. At least I got to familiarise with the hospital and people in cardio dept. After 3months in anaesthesia department PJS, I really like the bosses and the working environment. Awesomeness!

After-work selfie. Haha XD

Because here is heart centre, we do not have general medical or obstetric or orthopaedic or neurosurgical patients hence I'm lacking of some anaesthesia skills on handling those cases. Looking at the bright side, I'm fortunate that we still have urology, geriatric and some peadiatric patients here therefore I still able to perform spinal block for the urology patients going for surgery and intubate peadiatric patients.

After the lengthy post, the take home message here is to do what you like and go for what you really want to do because you will enjoy it. Choose a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life.

Thank you for reading!